Chances are, you've heard at least one of these comments (or a variation of them):
"When are you planning on having kids?"
"This house would be so much more cheerful with little grandchildren running around it."
"It's time you've settled down and created yourself a family!"
"Happy birthday! You're 35 this year, no? Isn't it time to start thinking about having kids? That biological clock isn't going to tick forever..."
"When are you going to give your son a sibling? You know, being an only child is not good for a kid..."
People love to ask about your family plans. Sometimes it's genuine curiosity. Sometimes it's meant to remind you that your parents would like some grandchildren - as soon as possible, of course! And then there are people who are just nosy.
I'm not sure what's harder: hearing the question, or trying to respond to it. No matter how many times it came up, I always found myself stumbling over my words. Or saying some pat response, but feeling my heart shake inside.
How have you dealt with these questions? Please share your experiences with answering questions on having kids. Also, you can read what other readers have shared.
Looking forward to your responses!
Imagine a couple in their early 30s, with no fertility problems, no cancer treatments scheduled, and in relatively good health, deciding to donate embryos... to their future selves.
One couple did just that, as reported in an intriguing essay published on the WashingtonPost.com. Gillian and Paul, ages 30 and 32, didn't feel ready for parenthood. But they didn't want to put their reproductive goods to waste.
Gillian started looking into donating her eggs to an infertile couple, and that's when she learned that she could actually do the IVF process now, without transferring the resulting embryos to her uterus. The embryos would remain frozen until they decided they were ready for kids.
And because she's young now, those embryos will be of the very best quality. (Age does not affect uterine implantation.) She and her husband could decide to have those frozen embryos transferred in five years, ten years, or even fifteen years.
The essay is an interesting read, and I recommend you go get the full story at the WashingtonPost.com.
Of course, as can be expected, the story has stirred up controversy. I myself am not sure what to think about the story.
On the one hand, I think it's interesting that they have thought to preserve their fertility. Interesting in the curious-but-would-never-do-it-myself kind of way. If I had good embryos, I'd want to use them right now. (Of course, I am looking at this through the lenses of an infertility survivor.)
But on the other hand, she put her body (and her wallet) through a lot of stress for a maybe. As in, maybe she will have trouble conceiving in a couple years. But maybe she won't.
Another maybe is the success of those frozen embryos. Yes, it's true that her chance for success is higher than a couple going through fertility treatments because of infertility. And yes, it's true that the age of her uterus is unlikely to have an impact on her success.
On the other hand, nothing is 100%. Even if we say those embryos she froze have a 50% chance of surviving the thaw, and then a 50% chance of successfully leading to pregnancy -- that's no guarantee. I cannot imagine the heartache that would bring down the road, if her hopes are beyond-the-clouds high that this will work.
I know that preserving fertility through freezing eggs and freezing embryos is all the rave now. I'm personally not a huge fan for it, unless there is good reason. Like cancer treatment on the horizon, or family history of infertility or primary ovarian insufficiency (aka premature ovarian failure).
I'm not a big fan because I don't believe in subjecting my body to even small amounts of fertility drugs or procedures unless I have to do it. I don't think it's a great idea to risk that slight increase in birth defects for IVF (no matter how small it might be) just because.
I don't believe in the fear mongering that sometimes goes along with these fertility preservation stories. Yes, it's true, your fertility decreases as you get older. I'm not saying it doesn't. I'm just saying that nothing is a for sure thing. You may get pregnant after a few months at age 37. And you may also not get pregnant with some embryos or eggs you frozen when you were 22.
To be clear, I don't have anything against couples who decide to do this. I just wouldn't do it myself, and wouldn't recommend it to a friend.
These are my thoughts. What are yours? I'd love to hear from you! Leave your comment below.
When you're trying to get pregnant or struggling with infertility, you want to hear from those who have been there. Also, you've got your own wisdom, opinions, and stories to share.
There are so many different ways you can share your experiences. Visiting fertility forums, keeping an infertility blog, or joining a RESOLVE support group are great ways.
You can also share your wisdom here with us. I've compiled a list of all the reader story features, so you can read words of wisdom from those who have been there, or share your own experiences. Please do take a look! I can't wait to read what you have to share.
Since it's World Fertility Awareness Month, and Men's Health Month, I thought it'd be the perfect time to talk about something no one likes talking about - performance anxiety with regard to semen analysis (or IUI treatment, or IVF treatment.)
Semen analysis is a key part of a couple's fertility workup. It should be one of the very first fertility tests completed, but is unfortunately often put off (especially if female factor infertility has already been diagnosed.) This is a problem, since male infertility affects almost 50% of couples trying to conceive, either as the sole factor for infertility, or along with female infertility.
Semen analysis requires the man to ejaculate, usually with self-stimulation, into a sterile cup, which is then given to the fertility clinic to be evaluated in a lab.
Compared to the many fertility tests that women go through, this sounds like it should be easy. What would you rather do? Get poked and prodded with needles, ultrasound wands, and speculums, or go into a room by yourself and masturbate?
Well, in fact, it's not so easy. Many men struggle with performance anxiety, and cannot provide a semen sample without great emotional difficulty. I've written some tips on how to get past performance anxiety related to semen analysis, IUI, or IVF, which I hope will help.
Have you had this experience? Know someone who has? Feel free to leave your story in the comments below. Have advice for others? Be sure to leave your tips here, in a collection of reader experiences with semen analysis.
More on male fertility:
