Readers Respond: What Fertility Myths and Untruths Have People Said to You?

There are so many infertility myths. Your friends and family may believe and repeat them to you as "helpful advice" or use them to try to comfort you. This can be very frustrating, especially when you know the myths are false.

What fertility myths have people repeated to you? How did you respond? Do you try to explain the facts, or do you just smile and change the subject? Share your experiences below.

Why don't you "just" adopt?

Why don't you? We looked into adoption and not every couple is a candidate for it. It's more expensive than fertility treatments and there are still no guarantees. It's a myth that there are "so many babies out there who need good homes." There are infinitely more waiting couples than there are babies placed for adoption. The wait is often years and filled with many legal requirements (multiphased, invasive home studies, background checks, fingerprints, physicals, interviews, and mountains of paperwork. Around 10-15% of adoptions become failed adoptions in which a birth mom changes her mind and decides to parent the child. There is no such thing as "just" adopting. So unless you have no biological children of your own and have built your family solely through quick and easy adoptions, please don't recommend it to me.

—Guest Infertile Myrtle

It's just not meant to be

This has to be one of the most hurtful myths out there - that fate or G-d has decreed your fertility and there's nothing you can do about it!

—MdMomof3

Adopt first, Conceive a baby after

The advice of giving up on the idea of getting pregnant and adopting a baby instead is ill-conceived (play on word "conceive" intended"). Supposedly, after a childless couple have a newly adopted bundle of joy in their lives they can relax and will end up conceiving naturally. Although I personally know 2 women that this happened to, I don't think it is the norm. I don't think this is welcome or kind advice. Adopting these days isn't so easy either.

—Guest lila

You're doing it too much.

This came from a nurse at the OB's office. She said that we were diluting the sperm by having sex too frequently (every other day).

—Guest Robin

Become a veggie

A friend told me that if I stopped eating red meat and started being a vegetarian, we could get pregnant. I have no idea how that is supposed to help, if it's my husband who is the problem (male infertility). I used to argue with her about it, told her I never saw a study that said it would help ME, and for sure not him, not for his particular cause of male infertility. But she keeps saying it... so now I just smile, and ignore it.

—Erica

"You're Trying to Hard"

I'm so tired of being told, by so many people (!!), that I'm trying too hard, and that is why I can't get pregnant. What drives me the MOST crazy about this is that when we started, we were NOT trying hard! We were just going to let it happen. Only after it didn't happen on its own for over a year, THEN we started trying hard. If "trying to hard" was the problem, then we should have been pregnant ages ago. *roll eyes*

—Anna