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Readers Respond: Share the Worst and Best Things People Say to You About Infertility

Responses: 2


Updated March 22, 2012

Sometimes when a friend or relative hears you are dealing with infertility, they want to say something to make you feel better, but instead make you feel worse. Or they actually don't want to say anything supportive and the craziest things come out of their mouths! And sometimes, people say just the right thing and you never forget the kindness.

What is the worst thing anyone every told you about your infertility? What is the best thing someone said to support you? Share below!

The worst to hear

Don't stress. All the time I have people saying to me, "Don't stress, it'll happen when it's meant to happen." Really? Five years down the line and it's still going to happen. I don't produce eggs even when I'm on clomid, and I simply cannot afford IVF and all I get is 'Don't stress.' Well I am stressed and I am tired. I'm tired of counting days, getting excited, thinking positively, and then I play the game all over again. I'm tired that it's people who either have kids or don't want kids who feel they know the most and that I am simply being over dramatic. My husband and I are looking at adoption and being in South Africa, our options are very limited but we don't see colour, unfortunately everyone else sees colour and culture. Do people not realize the kind of battle we face? Knowing that you want a little you running around and know that you may never get the chance? I have to smile so much I feel my face wants to crack just so that other people can pretend everything is fine. It's not.

We all make choices

Someone once told me in an attempt to cheer me up that my infertility was the result of my lifestyle choices (waiting to have kids until I was in a stable relationship, married, etc.) My issues are such that it's not clear whether I would have had infertility issues even had I started earlier, but the assumption that the infertility was somehow my fault - that I CHOSE infertility by my actions (or inactions) was infuriating. I didn't ask for this, not even passively. And if I HAD somehow brought this on myself, does it help to say that? When I tried to claw my face off during a migraine and I had painful bruising the next day, I thought, "Well, I did sorta bring it on myself," but infertility? Not so much.
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