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Readers Respond: Share the Worst and Best Things People Say to You About Infertility

Responses: 8

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Updated March 22, 2012

Sometimes when a friend or relative hears you are dealing with infertility, they want to say something to make you feel better, but instead make you feel worse. Or they actually don't want to say anything supportive and the craziest things come out of their mouths! And sometimes, people say just the right thing and you never forget the kindness.

What is the worst thing anyone every told you about your infertility? What is the best thing someone said to support you? Share below!

Share Your Experience

Fred, Harold, and Penelope

One of the bests was an IVF cycle, where we jokingly named our three implanted embryos Fred, Harold, and Penelope. After the cycle failed, my friend sent flowers, with a note that expressed condolences, and that they missed Fred, Harry and Penelope, too.
—Guest Tina

"Are you sure you're doing it right?"

When I told my sister-in-law that we had been TTC for over four years, she said, 'Are you sure you're doing it right?' and then she nearly wet herself laughing at her own joke.
—Guest R.

Due to contraception

The worst comment for me was, 'The problem with your generation is you take contraceptives before having kids, and this creates a problem when trying to conceive." I have never taken contraceptives in my life. Never. My best was when a friend bought me a book called 'Understanding Infertility.' It opened up my mind to possibilities which I never knew, especially that I live in a developing country where infertility is a myth or taboo.
—Guest jessy

Thank God every day for my body

My spouse and I struggled for 10 years with infertility. After going through fertility treatments and finally having two boys, a coworker of mine said we should of had girl, they are "better than boys." I found this comment very insensitive. I thank God every day for my boys. I wouldn't have it any other way!
—Guest MH

Baby Dust

A pregnant woman told me if I rubbed her belly her "baby dust" would rub off on me and I would get pregnant. You can only imagine the things I wanted to say but didn't. No one wins going up against a pregnant lady.
—Guest Jean

Just relax and it will happen

The worst thing people say to me is to tell me to just relax and stop thinking about it. When you know your body literally inside out, take your temp every morning, pee on endless sticks, and know how to interpret or misinterpret every twinge or pain or ache, believe me the last thing you can do is stop thinking about it. Relaxing is even harder. And surely enough no one who has given me this advice from my mum to my doctor to random old ladies on the train, not one of them has had any idea of how exactly I should relax.
—Guest Anna

The worst to hear

Don't stress. All the time I have people saying to me, "Don't stress, it'll happen when it's meant to happen." Really? Five years down the line and it's still going to happen. I don't produce eggs even when I'm on clomid, and I simply cannot afford IVF and all I get is 'Don't stress.' Well I am stressed and I am tired. I'm tired of counting days, getting excited, thinking positively, and then I play the game all over again. I'm tired that it's people who either have kids or don't want kids who feel they know the most and that I am simply being over dramatic. My husband and I are looking at adoption and being in South Africa, our options are very limited but we don't see colour, unfortunately everyone else sees colour and culture. Do people not realize the kind of battle we face? Knowing that you want a little you running around and know that you may never get the chance? I have to smile so much I feel my face wants to crack just so that other people can pretend everything is fine. It's not.
—Leeshi1

We all make choices

Someone once told me in an attempt to cheer me up that my infertility was the result of my lifestyle choices (waiting to have kids until I was in a stable relationship, married, etc.) My issues are such that it's not clear whether I would have had infertility issues even had I started earlier, but the assumption that the infertility was somehow my fault - that I CHOSE infertility by my actions (or inactions) was infuriating. I didn't ask for this, not even passively. And if I HAD somehow brought this on myself, does it help to say that? When I tried to claw my face off during a migraine and I had painful bruising the next day, I thought, "Well, I did sorta bring it on myself," but infertility? Not so much.
—mdyesowitch

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Share the Worst and Best Things People Say to You About Infertility

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