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Rachel Gurevich

Fertility

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From Mother's Day to Mothering Day

Sunday May 12, 2013

Happy Mothering Day.

Mother's Day can be an emotionally sensitive day for those in the trenches of infertility and those who have been in those trenches. (You may imagine that having a child takes away the pain of Mother's Day, but for many women, it doesn't, not completely.) Just trying to avoid the over-the-top marketing that surrounds mother's day can be overwhelming.

But what if, instead of celebrating only mothers on Mother's Day, we also celebrated those who lovingly mother others? You don't need to have biological or adopted children in order to be motherly. (Sadly, there are plenty of traditional mothers who have no idea how to mother or nurture others.)

Think back to those in your life who have mothered you. I can think of a few special women who mothered me, as a child and as an adult. I cannot imagine who I am today without their special love, care, and attention.

And I am sure you have mothered others yourself. I'd say there's a high probability that someone out there felt nurtured and cared for in a special way by you. You may not know it. But they do.

I'm not saying focusing on mothering instead of traditional motherhood will make the pain of Mother's Day disappear. But I do think it's important to recognize that you don't have to be a mom to mother another person. I think it's important to recognize how much we can impact the lives of others, regardless of whether they are our son or daughter.

So to all those women out there who have lovingly mothered others, Happy Mothering Day to you!

More on coping while trying to conceive:

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Photo (c) User andreyutzu of Stock.xchng

Make a Difference on Advocacy Day

Wednesday May 8, 2013

Wouldn't it be great if governments gave a helping hand to those struggling to build their families? If you'd like to make a difference, today is the day to take action.

Today is Advocacy Day. This is a project of RESOLVE, and takes place yearly. It's a day when over 100 advocates show up in Washington to speak to representatives, tell them what we need and hope for, and try to make a difference.

Couldn't show up in Washington? That's ok! You can make a difference in other ways. You can send an email to your representatives, or make a phone call. The RESOLVE website has more information.

If you're on Twitter, you can follow along virtually with the day's developments by following hashtag #advocacyday2013.

Would you like to receive trying to conceive tips and infertility information every week? Sign up for a free fertility newsletter here

Pelvic Exams Not as Necessary As They Seem

Monday May 6, 2013

If you're struggling to get pregnant, the first doctor you need to see is your gynecologist. As I've written about here many times, many couples put off getting help, for a variety of reasons. I wonder, though, how many put off seeing their gynecologist for fear of the dreaded pelvic exam. It turns out that all those routine pelvic exams may not be nessecary.

Researchers have looked into the why of routine pelvic exams. Reasons given included screening for sexually transmitted diseases and gynecological cancers, and as a way of determining if birth control should be given. The surprising thing is that there's no scientific basis for this. The pelvic exam hasn't been shown to be a good screening tool, and may, in fact, lead to false alarms (and worse, unnecessary surgeries.) There are other more accurate screening tools available, including vaginal swabs (done yourself), blood work, and urine analysis.

Yearly pap smears are also not considered nessecary for most women, with current recommendations to have a pap done once every three to five years.

A pelvic exam may very well be needed if symptoms merit it, but there's no reason to have a pelvic exam at every well woman visit. If pelvic exam dread is keeping you from seeing your doctor, speak up at your next appointment. Ask if you could forgo the pelvic this time around, or at least ask your doctor why he is performing the exam and what he hopes to learn from it.

"Routine" is not a good enough reason to make you feel uncomfortable.

More on getting pregnant with infertility:

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Will You Be Celebrating National Infertility Survival Day?

Wednesday May 1, 2013

May is here, which means that in two Sundays it will be Mother's Day. But thanks to Beverly Barna, author of Infertility Sucks! Keeping it All Together When Sperm and Egg Stubbornly Remain Apart, you can celebrate a week earlier on National Infertility Survival Day, which is this Sunday, May 5th.

If you're thinking, "Why should I celebrate infertility?!" Well, it's not celebrating infertility, but more of a pre-Mother's Day inoculation. Mother's Day can be emotionally difficult for couples trying to conceive. Moms certainly do work hard and deserve a day of recognition, but some of us work hard at just trying to become a mom. You deserve this special day, believe me.

So whether you decide to go out for dinner, get a massage, take a lovely walk outdoors with a loved one, or maybe just watch a favorite movie at home, remember that you're worth celebrating, mom or not.

More on coping while trying to conceive:

Would you like to receive trying to conceive tips and fertility information every week? Sign up for a free fertility newsletter here.

What Does It Mean to Join the Movement?

Sunday April 28, 2013

The theme for National Infertility Awareness Week this year was "Join the Movement." I kept asking myself what it means to join the movement. The obvious answer is what we typically think of as advocacy.

Joining the movement could include things like...

  • Speaking up when legislation threatens to limit or threaten ethical and safe methods of fertility treatment.
  • Asking our law makers and insurance providers to acknowledge that fertility treatment is worthy of coverage.
  • Participating in advocacy days, call-your-representative days, letter writing campaigns, and awareness weeks.

Those who are active in this way are doing very important and essential work, work that we all will hopefully benefit from in the long run.

But for most of the millions with infertility, this kind of advocacy isn't a big part of their lives, whether because they are busy with their life in other ways or it's just not their personality to pursue this kind of action. What would joining the movement mean for them?

Maybe it would include things like...

What does joining the movement mean to you? Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments. I'd love to hear from you!

What Don't You Know About Your Fertility? And Why Has No One Ever Told You?

Wednesday April 24, 2013

Where do most people learn about fertility? Well, in school. They learn that if you have sex, you'll get pregnant that very moment. And get an STD. In fact, you'd probably get pregnant just thinking about having sex, so you better not even look at a member of the opposite sex. At least, this is what I remember from high school health class.

After reading Katelyn Campbell's story, I realized my memories of health class might not be too far off. Campbell is a high school student who spoke up when her school held an abstinence-only assembly, where students were allegedly told that any type of sexual touch would lead to an STD and infertility, and that condoms were not safe (or at least not safe enough). Campbell says that in her school information on birth control and sex education has been repressed.

Sadly, her school is not the only one sending the wrong messages to students. More dangerously, students are given incomplete and mistaken information. High school is supposed to prepare you for adulthood. But if you're taught that you can get pregnant "any time" you have sex, you will likely continue to believe that as an adult. And it's not true.

Students who are taught that condoms "aren't good enough" may decide that they aren't worth using at all, especially considering how sneaky they may need to buy them without embarrassment at the local pharmacy. This leads to unprotected sex, which may lead to a sexually transmitted disease, and possibly infertility.

And how many teach about infertility beyond it being a "threat" to prevent bad behavior? The myth of all infertility coming from an STD (which isn't true) probably grew roots in high school health classrooms.

How many schools are teaching students about ovulation and the real probabilities of conception each month? How about learning about the age limits of fertility? Why do so many surveys find that women and men overestimate the chances of a woman conceiving at age 40 or 44? We like to blame the media, or the over-40 celebrities who appear to conceive without help. But isn't this important enough to learn when we're in school?

What didn't you know about fertility until you started trying to conceive? What do you wish someone had told you? Please share in the comments below. I'd love to hear from you!

More things you need to know:

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Things Infertile People Should Never Say to Someone Else With Infertility

Sunday April 21, 2013
You're not alone with infertility. There is help - don't be afraid to reach out.

Fertility challenged people are used to hearing inappropriate comments from those who have never experienced infertility. If you're infertile, have told people, and have yet to hear an insensitive comment from someone, you're a rare (and lucky!) person indeed. One would assume that other infertiles (or IFers, as they are sometimes lovingly referred to) would understand what to say and what not to say.

Well, if you assumed so, you'd be wrong. A few weeks ago, RESOLVE's Facebook support page posted a question to their followers. It was from a woman dealing with secondary infertility, asking how to deal with people telling her she's not grateful for the child she has. Many - not a couple, and not a few, but many - commenters left messages essentially repeating what this woman was hearing from people without fertility problems: that she's ungrateful, should stop complaining or feeling upset, and should consider herself lucky.

Thankfully, there were more comments from people who were compassionate. But the animosity towards the woman with secondary infertility was intense. And so very sad to see.

Dear friends, this is not a contest to see whose infertility or situation is worse. I promise you that no matter what has happened to you, there will always be someone with a story worse than yours. Having the worst story doesn't entitle you to the most sympathy. It doesn't entitle you to be the only receiver of compassion.

Here's the thing: when it comes to emotional pain, knowing other people have it worse doesn't make your pain go away. And, not only that, but it is completely possible to feel more than one emotion at once. It's possible to feel eternally grateful for a child and feel tremendous loss over not being able to have another.

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and while this is usually seen as an awareness week for those without infertility, maybe we should be focusing some of our awareness towards fellow fertility challenged people.

It's not possible to always say the right thing - that's understood, of course. We all say the wrong thing once in awhile. But to judge someone's pain as "not worthy" because you consider your situation far worse? That's never ok. All those things someone should never say to someone with infertility? That list applies to you, even if you're infertile yourself. Don't say it if it's not helpful, and never, ever say it if it's hurtful.

More on coping with infertility:

Would you like to receive trying to conceive tips and fertility information every week? Sign up for a free fertility newsletter here.

Photo (c) Michael Hitoshi / Getty Images

Woman Who Had the First Ever Uterine Transplant Is Pregnant

Wednesday April 17, 2013

There was some exciting news in the world of breakthrough fertility treatment this week. Derya Sert, the woman who had the first ever uterine transplant, is now pregnant. It's still too early to say whether the procedure was truly successful, given that her risk of miscarriage is higher than most. Even a healthy mother has a 10 - 15% risk of miscarrying, so we'll need to wait and see whether Sert's pregnancy continues.

The uterine transplant is a controversial treatment, but so was IVF treatment at one time. (Yes, I realize some people see IVF as still controversial, but it's pretty mainstream compared to where it stood at the beginning.) With uterine transplant, there are many risks to the mother and also the baby. If the treatment proves to be successful, who knows, perhaps one day, some women who would have needed a surrogate can opt for a uterine transplant. To be clear, that day would be years and years from now. It will take many tries at this before it leaves the "experimental" arena.

What do you think? Will uterine transplant one day replace the need for surrogacy in women without a uterus? Or do you think it's too risky to ever really take off? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

Thank You, Dr. Robert G. Edwards

Saturday April 13, 2013

Robert G. Edwards, Nobel Prize winning doctor who helped pioneer IVF treatment, died on Wednesday, April 10th, at age 87. Dr. Edwards and Dr. Patrick Steptoe worked together to research and develop in vitro fertilization, despite wide criticism at the time. Today, over five million people owe their lives to IVF treatment.

In fact, just this week, a dear friend gave birth to her first child - a little girl who would not be here if not for IVF treatment. Thank you, Dr. Edwards. Thank you from me, thank you from my friend, and thank you from my sweet friend's daughter, even if she is only a few days old and can't say "thank you" on her own just yet. Thank you from all of us.

Being a pioneer isn't easy, even after death. Many obituaries slanted strongly towards the controversy, rather than the miracle, of in vitro fertilization. Many included inappropriate and, quite honestly, offensive terminology. Using terms like "test tube baby" or referring to the "implanting" of embryos (as opposed to the transfer of embryos.) Melissa Ford of the Stirup Queens blog wrote a great response to the controversy, comparing the obits of other controversial doctors to Dr. Edwards. Her post is worth a read.

More about IVF treatment:

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Things You Can Do to Improve Fertility

Thursday April 11, 2013

One of the worst feelings is helplessness, and infertility can certainly bring on that feeling. Even if you are taking important steps, like talking to your doctor or starting treatment, you may still feel like you're just a puppet in an infertility play.

Some people can lessen feelings of helplessness by taking steps to improve their health and fertility in natural ways. Now, don't misunderstand me -- usually, infertility can't be resolved by just changing a lifestyle habit. But you may be able to boost your odds for successful treatment. If your health improvement plan also helps you feel less out of control, even better.

What steps have you taken to improve your health or fertility? Please leave a comment below!

Articles on improving health and fertility:

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